how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
