Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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