I want to have your abortion
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
