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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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