Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
