just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Randomize
