You smell like a Billy Joel song
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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