he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
