also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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