Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
