There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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