You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
