we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
