There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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