I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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