There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
