the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
