Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
