Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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