I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
