3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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