Got a toothbrush?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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