haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
