just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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