I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
that's an acceptable place to lick
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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