I smell stomach acid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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