even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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