So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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