I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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