dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
