Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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