Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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