and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
