do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
