Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
