Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I color on your dick again?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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