I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
