My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
