Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
