And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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