Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
