i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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