Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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