i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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