i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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