last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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