I wish I could punch you in the face.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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