Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
