I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
