Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
