i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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