Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize