I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
