I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize