My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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