If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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