guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
