So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
