the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
