Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
