i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
