she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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