I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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