I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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