Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
