Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize