If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
