Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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