whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
