after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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