He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
