Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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