Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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