Ambien. No doubt about it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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