Your face is a jimmy john
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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