Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
