On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
