Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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