it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
