good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
