I heard we made out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
