she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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