i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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