I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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